By Celestine Chua - https://personalexcellence.co/blog/new-friends/
Edited by Lauri Hakanen / Ainomaija Paakkinen

Here are my 10 personal tips to making new friends:

1. Realise your fear is in your head

Some of us see meeting new people as a scary event. We are concerned about making a good impression, whether the other person will like us, how to keep the conversation going, and so on. The more we think about it, the scarier it seems. 

Actually, all these fears are just in our head. If you think about it, 99 percent of people are too busy being concerned about these very things themselves to pay attention to you. While you’re worried about the impression you make, they are worried about the impression they will make. 

2. Start small with people you know

If you haven’t been socializing much, meeting a whole bunch of new people may seem intimidating. If so, start small first. Lower the difficulty of the task by starting off with your inner circle of friends, i.e. people you are more familiar with. Here are some ways to do that:

• Reach out to acquaintances. Do you have any "hi-bye" type friends from earlier years? For example people at school or work you usually said "hi" and "bye" to, but not really much more? Or friends you lost touch with over time? Drop a friendly SMS and say 'hi', ask for a meetup when they are free and see if there are opportunities to reconnect.

• See if there are cliques you can join. Cliques are established groups of friends. The idea isn’t to break into the clique, but to practice being around new friends. With cliques, the existing members will probably take the lead in conversations, so you can start by just watching the dynamics between other people.

• Get to know your friends’ friends. You can join them in their outings or just ask your friend to introduce you to them. If you are comfortable with your friends, there’s a good chance you will be comfortable with their friends too.

3. Get yourself out there

Once you acquaint yourself more with your inner circle of friends, the next step will be to extend to people you don’t know.

• Join meetup groups. There are many interest groups, such as groups for vegetarians, board-game lovers, cycling enthusiasts, fans of GoT etc. Pick out your interests and join those groups. Meetups are usually monthly depending on the group itself. Is a great way to meet a lot of new people quickly.

• Volunteer. A great way to kill 2 birds with one stone — not only do you get to spread kindness and warmth, you meet compassionate people with a cause.

• Go to parties. Probably a place where you’ll make a heep of new friends but not necessarily quality relationships. Good way to meet more people nonetheless.

• Online communities. The internet is a great way to meet new people. Nowadays, online forums are one of the central places where communities gather. Check out online forums on your interest topics. Participate constructively and add value to the discussion. Soon, you’ll get to know the people there better. 🙂

4. Take the first step

Once you are out there with people around you, someone has to make the first move. If the other party doesn’t initiate a talk, take the first step to say hello. Get to know each other a little better! Share something about yourself, and then give the other party a chance to share about them. Something easy, like asking how the day is, or what they did today or in the past week is a great conversation starter. Once the ice is broken, it’ll be easier to connect.

5. Be open

a) Be open-minded. Don’t judge.

Don’t have a preset notion of the kind of friend you want. Give the friendship a chance to blossom. More importantly, give yourself a chance with this budding friendship. I have several very good friends who come from totally different backgrounds, and I would never have thought that we would be so close when I first knew them, simply because we are so different. 

b) Open your heart

On the same note, open your heart to the person. This connection between you and the other party can only begin when your heart is open. This means to be trusting, have faith, and believe in the goodness of others. You can’t form any new connection if you mistrust others or you are fearful that things won’t work out. It’ll send the wrong vibes and cause them to close off their hearts to you too.

6. Get to know the person

A friendship is about both you and the other person. Get to know the person as an individual. Here are some questions to consider:

• What do they do?

• What are their hobbies?

• What have they been up to recently?

• What are their upcoming priorities or goals?

• What do they value the most?

• What are their values?

• What motivates them?

• What are their passions in life? 

7. Connect with genuineness

We are often too caught up with our own concerns — such as what others will think of us — that we miss the whole point of a friendship. You can work on the presentation aspects such as how you look, what you say, and how you say things, but don’t obsess about them. These actions don’t (truly) define the friendship. What defines the friendship is the connection between you and the friend.

Show warmth, love, and respect toward everyone you meet. Do things because you want to, and not because you have to. Care for them like you would yourself. If you approach others with genuinity, you will attract people who want to connect genuinely. Among them will be your future true friends.

8. Be yourself

Don’t change yourself to make new friends. That’s the worst thing you can do, because if you make friends being someone you're not, one of two things will happen:

1. You continue being that someone and, in the long-run, it’ll be tiring to uphold this image.

2. You change back to the introverted you, and your friends will feel cheated because this isn’t the person they made friends with. 

So, just be yourself. 

9. Be there for them

A friendship is a supportive union between two people. Be there for your friends where you can. Do any of your friends need help currently? Is there anything you can help them with? How can you better support them?

10. Make the effort to stay in touch

At the end of the day, continual effort is required to maintain the friendship. Willingness to make the effort is what differentiates great friends from "hi-bye" friends. Ask your friends out every once in a while. Depending on the intensity of the friendship, there’s no need to meet up every few days or once a week — catching up once a month or once every few months might be sufficient. The strength of your relationship is not measured by how frequently you meet. For some of my best friends, we meet only once every few months. Yet, there’s never any doubt that we’re closely connected and we will be there for each other when needed.