| Customer: |
Good morning, I’d like to open a bank account. |
| Clerk: |
Certainly, sir. All you need is some ID. |
| Customer: |
Driving licence OK? |
| Clerk: |
Fine. Now, what kind of account were you looking for? A current account or a savings account? |
| Customer: |
Sorry, I don’t follow. I don’t have a lot to do with banks, see? I’ve been keeping my money under my mattress. |
| Clerk: |
Ah. |
| Customer: |
But the area where I’m living, well, it’s gone right downhill, and I’m worried someone might break in and steal my cash. That’s why I’m here. |
| Clerk: |
Oh, I see. Well, I’d recommend starting with two accounts – a current account for your day-to-day banking needs, and a savings account for long-term investment. |
| Customer: |
Sounds good to me. |
| Clerk: |
With your current account you can deposit and withdraw money at any time you want. |
| Customer: |
How do I know how much I have? |
| Clerk: |
You can check your balance online. That’s the easiest way. |
| Customer: |
I don’t have a computer. |
| Clerk: |
Well, we can send you a printed statement every month so you can keep track of your funds. |
| Customer: |
Great. |
| Clerk: |
There is however a small fee of £5 per month. |
| Customer: |
Then maybe not. |
| Clerk: |
Well if you overdraw your account, it is a lot more expensive. We charge a monthly interest of 15% on overdrafts. |
| Customer: |
Overdrafts? |
| Clerk: |
That’s when you don’t have enough money in your account to cover a transaction. |
| Customer: |
Oh, maybe I can use that machine in the wall to check my account? |
| Clerk: |
The ATM? Yes, you can, but take care not to lose your debit card. There’s a charge for replacing it. |
| Customer: |
Really? Then maybe it’s best to come inside and talk to you. |
| Clerk: |
Actually, we’re bringing in charges for face-to-face contact with a teller. |
| Customer: |
But it’s my account. Next, you’ll be telling me that you’re charging me for looking after my money. |
| Clerk: |
Well, actually there is a monthly fee for maintaining your account. |
| Customer: |
What? I give you my money and then I have to pay you. Unbelievable! |
| Clerk: |
Maybe you need a little time to think this through. Because if you close your account within 180 days, there’s an additional charge for that, too. |
| Customer: |
Do you know, I’ve changed my mind. I think I’ll carry on keeping my money under the mattress. |
| Clerk: |
Aren’t you worried someone might steal it? |
| Customer: |
Not anymore. I think my money’s a lot safer under the mattress. |