Fantasia tarina
Mala was a 15 year old girl with long, brown and wavy hair and blue eyes. She was wearing jeans and a black shirt. She had just moved to a new location with her mom, dad and her little sister Aelin.
It was a warm sunday morning. I was unpacking my stuff when the doorbell rang. There were two girls at the door. "Who are you?" I asked. And right at that same moment I noticed it sounded worse than in my head. "Sorry that sounded a lot better in my head." "No problem. I'm Lyra and this is Deanna. We live on the same road with you and desided to come and say hi. And you'll be going to the same school as us." One of the girls said. "And we brought some bicuits." The other girl said. "Thanks! Come in." I said. I put the bicuits in a bowl and offered some for the girls. "My name is Mala. And this is my little sister Aelin" I said when Aelin walked past. "Hi!" She said. "She's a little shy." I said. "I'm not shy!" Aelin said and ran into her room. We laughed. "Are you in a rush?" I asked the girls. "No." they said. "Well, maybe we should get to know each other better." I suggested. "Of course!" Deanna said. "And we can help you unpack." Lyra said. "You don't have to." I said. Even though I would have needed some help. "Of course we'll help!" They said. "Are you sure?" I asked. "Yes! Of course!" They said. "Fine, you can help me." I said. We went to my room and started unpackin the stuff. "Wow. Your room is massive!" Lyra said. "I wish I had a room like this." She said. My room was big. There was a big bed, a table, a bookshelf, a TV and a big window on one of the walls. And I have to admit, my room was quite cool. We had a lot of fun unpacking together. When we finished unpacking we disided to go shopping. I hadn't been able to take all of my stuff with me so we went to buy some new clothes and accessories for my room. When we got back home it was alredy 8 p.m. so Lyra and Deanna had to leave. I got my school bag and books ready for the next day and went to bed.
On monday I heard someone ringing the doorbell. I went to see who it was. When I opened the door I saw Lyra and Deanna. They came to get me to school. We walked to school together and when we got to the school Lyra showed me my room. Luckily I shared a room with Lyra and Deanna. For our first class we had maths. Me and Deanna were in the same class. After maths we had to separate. I had chemistry. On my way to class a girl came to me. "Come and meet me at the big, old pine tree tomorrow after school." She said. "But-" "And don't tell anyone!" She said. "Who ar-" I stopped. She was gone. I looked around confused. She wasn't there.
On our lunch break I sat with Lyra and Deanna and told them about the girl I saw. "Oh, That's Lora." They said. "She is really weird." Deanna said. "And creepy." Lyra added. "Well anyway she told me to meet her at some big, old pine tree tomorrow and when I tried asking who she was, she just dissapeared." I told them. "I don't think you should go." Deanna said. "Why?" I asked. "Because there's a rumour that she killed a girl named Mona two years ago." Lyra said. "What? Really?" I asked. "Yep." They said. "Ok, maybe you're right. I probably shouldn't go." We finished eating and went to our next class. I couldn't concentrate properly because I was thinking about Lora for the rest of the day. When I finished school I went to my room and thought about Lora until Lyra and Deanna came to the room and sat by me. We desided to go for a walk. When we got back it was 9 p.m. and we went to bed. I didn't sleep so well because I was still thinking about Lora. I desided to go and meet her after all. But I didn't tell the girls. After school I went to my room to take my backpack and went to a big pine tree I saw in the morning, hoping that was the one Lora meant.
Lyra and Deanna came to our room a little after I had left. They were looking for me but they couldn't find me. And immediately they realised that I had gone to meet Lora after all. They quickly ran to the pine tree and hid near the tree. They were right I was meeting Lora. I was still waiting for Lora when they got there. Soon she appeared and opened a portal to the pine tree. She pulled me through it. Lyra and Deanna ran through the portal too. They had just made it in when the portal closed. We were inside the tree.
There was a lot of room in the tree. There were blood stains everywere, it was dark and empty apart from a drawer and a chair in the middle of the room. There was no way out. I was really curious. "What could be inside that drawer?", I thought. Then Lora tied me onto a chair in the middle of the room and opened the drawer. It was full of knives! She chose one of them. It was sharp and bloody. Lyra and Deanna were watching us from behind a corner terrified. Lora was going to kill me!
THE END!
or is it?
It was a warm sunday morning. I was unpacking my stuff when the doorbell rang. There were two girls at the door. "Who are you?" I asked. And right at that same moment I noticed it sounded worse than in my head. "Sorry that sounded a lot better in my head." "No problem. I'm Lyra and this is Deanna. We live on the same road with you and desided to come and say hi. And you'll be going to the same school as us." One of the girls said. "And we brought some bicuits." The other girl said. "Thanks! Come in." I said. I put the bicuits in a bowl and offered some for the girls. "My name is Mala. And this is my little sister Aelin" I said when Aelin walked past. "Hi!" She said. "She's a little shy." I said. "I'm not shy!" Aelin said and ran into her room. We laughed. "Are you in a rush?" I asked the girls. "No." they said. "Well, maybe we should get to know each other better." I suggested. "Of course!" Deanna said. "And we can help you unpack." Lyra said. "You don't have to." I said. Even though I would have needed some help. "Of course we'll help!" They said. "Are you sure?" I asked. "Yes! Of course!" They said. "Fine, you can help me." I said. We went to my room and started unpackin the stuff. "Wow. Your room is massive!" Lyra said. "I wish I had a room like this." She said. My room was big. There was a big bed, a table, a bookshelf, a TV and a big window on one of the walls. And I have to admit, my room was quite cool. We had a lot of fun unpacking together. When we finished unpacking we disided to go shopping. I hadn't been able to take all of my stuff with me so we went to buy some new clothes and accessories for my room. When we got back home it was alredy 8 p.m. so Lyra and Deanna had to leave. I got my school bag and books ready for the next day and went to bed.
On monday I heard someone ringing the doorbell. I went to see who it was. When I opened the door I saw Lyra and Deanna. They came to get me to school. We walked to school together and when we got to the school Lyra showed me my room. Luckily I shared a room with Lyra and Deanna. For our first class we had maths. Me and Deanna were in the same class. After maths we had to separate. I had chemistry. On my way to class a girl came to me. "Come and meet me at the big, old pine tree tomorrow after school." She said. "But-" "And don't tell anyone!" She said. "Who ar-" I stopped. She was gone. I looked around confused. She wasn't there.
On our lunch break I sat with Lyra and Deanna and told them about the girl I saw. "Oh, That's Lora." They said. "She is really weird." Deanna said. "And creepy." Lyra added. "Well anyway she told me to meet her at some big, old pine tree tomorrow and when I tried asking who she was, she just dissapeared." I told them. "I don't think you should go." Deanna said. "Why?" I asked. "Because there's a rumour that she killed a girl named Mona two years ago." Lyra said. "What? Really?" I asked. "Yep." They said. "Ok, maybe you're right. I probably shouldn't go." We finished eating and went to our next class. I couldn't concentrate properly because I was thinking about Lora for the rest of the day. When I finished school I went to my room and thought about Lora until Lyra and Deanna came to the room and sat by me. We desided to go for a walk. When we got back it was 9 p.m. and we went to bed. I didn't sleep so well because I was still thinking about Lora. I desided to go and meet her after all. But I didn't tell the girls. After school I went to my room to take my backpack and went to a big pine tree I saw in the morning, hoping that was the one Lora meant.
Lyra and Deanna came to our room a little after I had left. They were looking for me but they couldn't find me. And immediately they realised that I had gone to meet Lora after all. They quickly ran to the pine tree and hid near the tree. They were right I was meeting Lora. I was still waiting for Lora when they got there. Soon she appeared and opened a portal to the pine tree. She pulled me through it. Lyra and Deanna ran through the portal too. They had just made it in when the portal closed. We were inside the tree.
There was a lot of room in the tree. There were blood stains everywere, it was dark and empty apart from a drawer and a chair in the middle of the room. There was no way out. I was really curious. "What could be inside that drawer?", I thought. Then Lora tied me onto a chair in the middle of the room and opened the drawer. It was full of knives! She chose one of them. It was sharp and bloody. Lyra and Deanna were watching us from behind a corner terrified. Lora was going to kill me!
THE END!
or is it?
Kommentit
Aloitus: kiinnostava aloitus
Juoni: juoni houkuttelee lukemaan eteenpäin
Lopetus: tosi hyvä lopetus, olisin halunnut lukea lisää
Onko tarinassa riittävästi fantasiaa? kyllä
Erityisesti jäi mieleen: KAIKKI, se oli ihan super hyvä tarina ja oot kuvaillu kaiken tosi tarkasti. Siinä oli myös jännitystä! SUSTA TULEE VIELÄ KIRJAILIJA.
Arvioija: Pylli/Peppi
Olisin voinut parantaa tarinan loppua.
Fantasiatarinan kirjoittaminen oli kivaa mutta idean saaminen ja suunnitelman tekeinen oli aika vaikeaa. Olisi ollut kivempi saada vähän lisää aikaa.
Some minor spelling mistakes didn't matter at all. Next time remember to write the word decide with c!
Number: 5/5
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